Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate all girls vehemently.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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