I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
