I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
