I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
