she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
