My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
