If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
