one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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