the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Acid is not a monday night drug
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You made out with two different species that night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
