Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dear god my vagina.
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