I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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