I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
