How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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