Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
