He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
