i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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