put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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