I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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