after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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