Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
