I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
