he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize