I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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