The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
