I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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