I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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