Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Its about making memories worth repressing
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
