His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
