remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
