Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My friends, they love my intelligence
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize