Apparently you make a good broom.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
