So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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