I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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