I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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