Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
