Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
NoShamevember. You game?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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