the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
