apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
