and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
