The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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