Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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