TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
