oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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