I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
