the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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