I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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