if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
