I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
