im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
