How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
