I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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