I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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