This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
