meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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