I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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