I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
is that a dick in a sweater?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize