3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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