She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
