He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
