Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The uberlube is also flammable
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
