we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
